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Beyoncé taps the microphone. She has been asked to announce the name of the Winner in the "Making it through 2025 without losing her mind" award category.
She peeps in the envelope and smiles."The award for the Making-it-through-2025-without-losing-her-mind category goes to...<inserts dramatic pause>... EXCEL YAYAYAYAYAAA!"
The crowd applauds.
Excel acts surprised and gasps.
She turns to Odeal<wink wink>, her date for the night and shines her teeth. Then she stands up and makes her way to the stage.
*taps mic
Thank you, Thank you so much Mrs Carter.
The past year was amazing. Some parts of it were hard and there were days when I felt deep sorrow that I thought would make my heart fold into herself but boy were there good days, really good days. *does that rich Igbo woman laugh
My catchphrase for 2025 was, "To Jesus be my Glory" and I know it sounds high handedly pretentious but I will be really dishonest to take credit for things that could have only been the work of my Creator.
I don't like to talk too much about these things because I do not want to be placed on a pedestal as a prototype of standard christian living because that is not what I am at all and I still have my many reservations about organised religion <especially the one practiced in Nigeria, Chineke nna> and sometimes I see things or hear things about religious people and wonder if I want to be associated in brethren-ship with people that can be so insidiously cruel to especially to women and minority groups, but in the past year I have come to understand that more than anything my eyes should be on Jesus not on any one else because we are all on individual journeys.
It also helps that somehow I get to go to church to learn to figure out how to navigate this journey with some of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life. So again, many thanks to my Eleda oh.
Another round of thanks to my Eleda because it is pretty obvious that after I was created, His eyes hovered over the earth searching for the most perfect couple, and then he made me their baby.
2025 was a good year, but it was hard. I am grateful to my wonderful father and my sweet mother for holding me up and letting me rest on them when my feet got tired.
In the words of someone somewhere <probably twitter> that I cannot remember, I am a product of the benevolence of my family; my lovely siblings that treat me like I am a superstar, the next best thing after amala tò n gbònà, my many older cousins that are big brothers and big sisters to me and give me their support in cash and in kind <honourable mention, Beckley who I enjoy causing great annoyance but who also continues to bear with me out of the kindness of his heart, thank you Dede...this special shout out will cost you 50quid btw> , my kind uncles and aunties who do same. I am so grateful for you all. You all inspire me and your love and support humbles me everytime.
Then there’s my friends turned sisters, Efa and Havida, my 2025 was a million times more colourful because it had you girlies in it. Thank you for always pushing me to do better, to be better and for sending opportunities my way. I have deep love and respect for you both.
I really want to do this thing where I call out the names of all my friends but I have a good number of them and I don't trust my brain not to leave a few names out by mistake so I'll just not do that.
I however will say a big thank you to all my girls and boys. Thank you to everyone that has been there for me and had my best interest at heart.
Thank you to my mentors, my teachers and everyone else in my community that helped me scale through and develop character as protagonists or antagonists.
Finally many thanks to me. For being brave enough to open myself up to new experiences and new connections and putting my back into it to get the job done every time.
2025 was for exploring my interests and indulging my whims even if it meant being cringe. It was for figuring things out and answering questions— what kind of person am I and how do I become a better person? What do I want the most in this world? What things make me happy? What things will I absolutely not tolerate?
I think I already figured most of it out now.
2026 is my serious business year.
I am grown-grown now so I'll be prioritising discipline in mind and body and moving with precision, grace and elegance.
My head buzzes with a gazillion new ideas every other minute and I am learning to sieve through them to focus on the ones that align most with the person I am trying to become and I look forward to the many things I get to achieve this year my Eleda propelling my engine.
Thank you all again for sitting through this long speech! Enjoy the rest of the award show!
Thank you, Thank you so much Mrs Carter.
The past year was amazing. Some parts of it were hard and there were days when I felt deep sorrow that I thought would make my heart fold into herself but boy were there good days, really good days. *does that rich Igbo woman laugh
My catchphrase for 2025 was, "To Jesus be my Glory" and I know it sounds high handedly pretentious but I will be really dishonest to take credit for things that could have only been the work of my Creator.
I don't like to talk too much about these things because I do not want to be placed on a pedestal as a prototype of standard christian living because that is not what I am at all and I still have my many reservations about organised religion <especially the one practiced in Nigeria, Chineke nna> and sometimes I see things or hear things about religious people and wonder if I want to be associated in brethren-ship with people that can be so insidiously cruel to especially to women and minority groups, but in the past year I have come to understand that more than anything my eyes should be on Jesus not on any one else because we are all on individual journeys.
It also helps that somehow I get to go to church to learn to figure out how to navigate this journey with some of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life. So again, many thanks to my Eleda oh.
Another round of thanks to my Eleda because it is pretty obvious that after I was created, His eyes hovered over the earth searching for the most perfect couple, and then he made me their baby.
2025 was a good year, but it was hard. I am grateful to my wonderful father and my sweet mother for holding me up and letting me rest on them when my feet got tired.
In the words of someone somewhere <probably twitter> that I cannot remember, I am a product of the benevolence of my family; my lovely siblings that treat me like I am a superstar, the next best thing after amala tò n gbònà, my many older cousins that are big brothers and big sisters to me and give me their support in cash and in kind <honourable mention, Beckley who I enjoy causing great annoyance but who also continues to bear with me out of the kindness of his heart, thank you Dede...this special shout out will cost you 50quid btw> , my kind uncles and aunties who do same. I am so grateful for you all. You all inspire me and your love and support humbles me everytime.
Then there’s my friends turned sisters, Efa and Havida, my 2025 was a million times more colourful because it had you girlies in it. Thank you for always pushing me to do better, to be better and for sending opportunities my way. I have deep love and respect for you both.
I really want to do this thing where I call out the names of all my friends but I have a good number of them and I don't trust my brain not to leave a few names out by mistake so I'll just not do that.
I however will say a big thank you to all my girls and boys. Thank you to everyone that has been there for me and had my best interest at heart.
Thank you to my mentors, my teachers and everyone else in my community that helped me scale through and develop character as protagonists or antagonists.
Finally many thanks to me. For being brave enough to open myself up to new experiences and new connections and putting my back into it to get the job done every time.
2025 was for exploring my interests and indulging my whims even if it meant being cringe. It was for figuring things out and answering questions— what kind of person am I and how do I become a better person? What do I want the most in this world? What things make me happy? What things will I absolutely not tolerate?
I think I already figured most of it out now.
2026 is my serious business year.
I am grown-grown now so I'll be prioritising discipline in mind and body and moving with precision, grace and elegance.
My head buzzes with a gazillion new ideas every other minute and I am learning to sieve through them to focus on the ones that align most with the person I am trying to become and I look forward to the many things I get to achieve this year my Eleda propelling my engine.
Thank you all again for sitting through this long speech! Enjoy the rest of the award show!
Another standing ovation!
Beyoncé hugs Excel and gives her flowers
Excel goes back to sit beside Odeal, her husba—I mean, date for the night.
Beyoncé hugs Excel and gives her flowers
Excel goes back to sit beside Odeal, her husba—I mean, date for the night.
The End.
Author's note:
Who posts an EOTY essay in February?
Me!
This was my 6th attempt at an EOTYR.
I know it isn't exactly a review but we can work with it, hehehe.
It's my birthday tomorrow, well, depending on when you are reading this.
Wish me a happy birthday in the comments for goodluck and clear skin.
Oh and thank you for reading all up to this point.
I hope you have an amazing 2026!
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