Pin Krispies:
Girll. they would legit make you question your side of the story leaving you to wonder about if you have some undiagnosed mental illness or something!! Finding out your partner is foolish is in the usually overlooked things. It's not always about them being a bad person. Sometimes it is just the foolishness. For example asking me over text if I want ice cream. I say yes and ask for chocolate and then he goes ahead to buy vanilla THAT I DON'T LIKE and says "oh I didn’t know." Like dude this cannot be short term memory because I just texted you. I told you what I wanted but your plain old foolishness decided to blind you.
Sour Plantain:
Could just be him being wicked to you because what is the point in getting someone a flavor of ice cream that they don't like?
Gelatinous Atarodo:
Worse is when you he says, "eh I got you vanilla instead of chocolate because I think vanilla is better", as per me wey make request no get sense.
Hot Soup:
That’s where you sit him down and feed him that vanilla with black pepper for him to wash it down with water from the toilet.
<the girls laugh>
Untearable Ponmo:
Who exactly dey give these boys audacity sef ?
Gelatinous Atarodo:
Be like na follow come with scrotum.
Sour Plantain:
Once e descend. Gbam! Impetus!!!
<hysteric laughter among group>
K: Okay girls so, you know they say any time you wake up is your morning. What do you do after the realization hits you that the love of your life is probably a big fool?
Untearable Ponmo:
I recommend leaving him then finding a new source of income to increase cash inflow so that the idiot can be replaced ASAP with another finer man.
Sour Plantain:
Personally I just become as toxic and manipulative as I can be until they leave and I don’t feel bad because they started it in the first place.
Gelatinous Atarodo:
It's one thing to realize and it's another thing to realize enough to walk away because even if he is a fool, you might still have a soft spot for him. For me the first step is to find a way to mentally check out. Keep records of his wrongdoings, every morning, wake up, read it and remind yourself that he is a fool until you are emotionally detached enough to leave him.
Pin Krispies:
I agree because what better way to rid your heart of the love for a man than by having some hate in your brain?
Untearable Ponmo:
Me I don’t have patience enough to wait till I hate you sha, after one or two rubbish, I block you everywhere and start chanting "the audacity?". Then I'll look in the mirror a couple of times and mutter ‘the audacity to do this to me with all this ass’ and before you know, I have moved on.
Gelatinous Atarodo:
Heiii just remembered. Gist your friends!! As you are gisting them, you'll be hearing yourself and pitying yourself. Plus as they are insulting him, it will be clearing your eyes small small.
<the group Hmmms in agreement>
K: Right, I must say, this is truly a learning experience for me. Our next question is on something important the girls will like to know; Team revenge or Team let things go and why?
Sour Plantain:
Honestly it depends on the degree of the disrespect. Again personally, I’m a big fan of swearing for men. It’s too exhausting to plot on a man. I would rather just leave him, and of course, swear for him. AND IT IS FREE OF CHARGE. Swear for them especially if they’ve genuinely hurt you. Swear for them!!!
Gelatinous Atarodo:
Does swearing even work?? If it does e get some people wey suppose don get hemorrhoids and overnight gross obesity plus a rapidly receding hairline.
Sour Plantain:
I don't know mehn, but like when you swear for them and bad things happen to them it’s nice to pretend it’s your swear.
Untearable Ponmo:
I am team let things go. Revenge takes a lot of mental energy, it’ll keep you hung up on the idiot for a longer period, time you’re supposed to use to glow up.
Pin Krispies:
What about revenge by getting your shit together, looking your best, taking extra care of yourself. I feel like that is revenge enough.
Untearable Ponmo:
Trueee, this is the best revenge to be honest.
K: How do you stand on business when the said foolish boy tries to beg you to come back to him?
Iru Sandwich:
He shouldn’t even have a means of reaching you to ask you anything.
Hot Soup:
How will he even be able to get through to me to beg?
Sour Plantain:
See babes, block him everywhere. If he still has any access to you then you’re not ready to move on and you might as well just stay and collect your shege in silence but if you’re done, He won’t even see you to beg. Oh yeah and it’s so sweet when he tries to use your friends to beg you when he cannot reach you. It is sweet but no gree.
K: Oya what if it is not your friends he tries to use and he asks his mum to call you and beg? How do you keep your self from getting swayed ?
Sour Plantain:
Even betterrrrrr. Break her heart too!!! She raised the goat! In fact, tell her all her son did and ask her if she’d want you to stay if you’re her daughter because in the first place why is he getting his mom to beg you?!
Untearable Ponmo:
Last time I blocked a nigga, I blocked him, his friends, his mom and other family members. You have to ensure all windows are closed to prevent snakes from coming back in.
K: Not snakes! <giggles>, if he sends gifts to try to placate you, do you collect the gifts or do you send them back to show that you mean business? A really expensive gift like a car oh.
Hot Soup:
I am conflicted about this one. I don’t know honestly <laughs>.
Untearable Ponmo:
My dear, collect the gift and chop. Then the next time he types an epistle, just reply with ‘Ehn, I don hear, dey go now’.
Sour Plantain:
You collect the gifts. My goodness. How are you a wicked woman if you don’t collect the gifts and still don’t take him? It's simple; I don’t want you, you hurt me, the car though, didn’t do nothing to me.
Untearable Ponmo:
Exactly ! can’t blame the innocent car now.
<the girls laugh>
K: Okay guys, look at it like this. What if they don't beg you but you start to miss them? What do you do to remind yourself not to go back to your vomit?
Pin Krispies:
Dead those emotions! Keep reminding yourself of all the things he did to hurt you.
Untearable Ponmo:
Omo, this is where your self respect and self love comes in. Just think about the end of the relationship, how they made you feel, how ruthless they were, and love yourself enough to not go back to rubbish.
Sour Plantain:
If the way you miss them is bigger than your self worth, tohhhh<this is an Abuja-ish expression, English equivalent N/A> because it is obviously a game to them and once you text them, you have lost.
Untearable Ponmo:
I’ll rather chew hot charcoal than text an ex, God forbid that evil thing. Tuehhhhhhh. I never lose!
Gelatinous Atarodo:
You know the brain does this weird thing where you only remember the good times when you are trying to detach from a fool though. Sha, that's why I believe in documentation of foolishness.
Sour Plantain:
It’s so annoying.
Untearable Ponmo:
You have to reprogram that brain o, force yourself to remember the bad parts.
Sour Plantain:
That’s why you need friends to remind you he’s a goat and you’re a baddie. You swan, he frog.
Gelatinous Atarodo:
Think of all the ways your friends will insult your life if you go back to him. Like me now, if I am your friend and you go back to a foolish boy, I will yab you.
Sour Plantain:
Oh myyyy. Imagine him laughing after you come back to him and saying "after all the shakara”. Fine girl like you. Chaiiii, God forbid.
K: God forbid o. Standing on business is so important. I agree with you guys. You know they usually say that prevention is better than cure, how do you prevent yourself from wasting time with a foolish boy in the first place?
Gelatinous Atarodo:
For this one, I don't know. Foolishness no dey show for face.
Pin Krispies:
Honestly men are perfect pretenders.
Hot Soup:
Just let it be well known that you are a wicked babe. Foolish boys will not want to mess with you.
Sour Plantain:
You can't tell if someone is foolish or not at first contact but you can screen people out. Set your rules and boundaries from the start. Matter of fact, exaggerate them. Tell him you don’t cook or you only do maybe once every 3 months and your daddy sends you 300k monthly so they don’t think they can entice you with money. Tell him you don’t entertain men with too many female friends and if he keeps female friends then there’s no need going further. You both can only be friends. Thenn, exaggerate your period cramps and see how he handles you. Tell him you’re dying. If he doesn’t call an ambulance. Don’t waste your time. Know that he is most likely foolish.
Untearable Ponmo:
Hmmmm, I’ve not been doing this o, I will add it to my book of toxicity.
K: Honestly I have been taking notes too. Finally, any advice for young girls out there deeply heartbroken over a foolish boy?
Pin Krispies:
Leave that foolish boy you will find better out there.
Sour Plantain:
There’s never anything truly special about an old lover except that you loved them. If he is gone many others will replace him. It only hurts now because, well it has to, you were "in love”.
Untearable Ponmo:
Omooooo, you’ll probably meet a lot more foolish boys but the main thing is to always always put yourself first girl. You’ll heal, you’ll meet a new guy that you’ll begin to like again, when you do, ensure you remember that he comes 5th. You are 1st. Your education and growth is 2nd. 3rd and 4th are for your hobbies, money making and other things, then number 5 is for the guy <wicked chuckle>.
Gelatinous Atarodo:
My own is better go find work. Keep yourself busy. Hang out with your friends. Lay curses on him every time you remember him. Start talking to other people. You go dey alright.
K: That’s it for tonight folks! You heard from the gorgeous wicked experts! Thank you all so much ladies for your time. Keep being the hot, wicked babes that you are. Goodnight!
<credits start rolling>
Author's note:
We had so much fun making this! I wish we made it a podcast or an actual show. The babes are truly hilarious. Special appreciation to the Hot Wicked Babes HQ! for letting me, I meant Kwestionnaire (hehe) interview them and special appreciation to me for putting it all together.
Again this was mostly just for fun but I think we underestimate these things a lot and never really talk about it. Maybe it is a Nigerian thing how we don't talk about things that hurt our feelings and make jokes about them instead so that we appear to be okay? Any how, I hope that in spite of how deeply unserious this blogpost is, you got some helpful advice. Healing is not linear and nobody can tell you how to get over being heart broken but one central truth remains; there is nothing you cannot heal from.
I think it sucks how on guard everybody now has to be especially as a person that is naturally configured to be a 'lover girl' — having all these "rules", trying not to care too much, rationing your affection because you don't want to be the one to "lose" etc etc.
Loving another person is not supposed to need all these mental gymnastics. It is not supposed to make you lose your softness. I think that if being with someone makes you feel or do things that are out of character then maybe y'all<read this piece in an american accent> aren't supposed to be together.
Leaving is hard but leaving a partner that is not good for you and raw-dogging the initial hurt is a lot better than having your life derailed by a partner that doesn't exactly have your best interest at heart.
I know they say there is the "illusion of choice" but really there is better out there. There are a bunch of 'non-foolish' people willing and ready to love you bae.
This has been a long post so I'll shut up now<hehe>, foolish boys might have been breaking your heart but you know who would never do that?
Me!!!
As a token of my love and affection, I am sharing my "😠😠😠" playlist here. It has this "I loved you, I might miss you but God will judge you" vibe. Listen to it and remember not to text that person that showed you shege.
As a token of your affection for me, you should support my blog here.
...and give more tips in the comments
...and share to heartbroken girls that you know.
Okay, Okay I'm done now.
Oh and would you like a part two? Would you like to get tips on anything else? Let me knowww.
Okay Okay final byeee!💕
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