BEING A WOMAN IN NIGERIA

<tries to resist urge... 

<tries really hard to resist the urge to... 

<gives up. 

Hey guys!!! Welcome back to my YouTube channurllllll hehehehehe<inserts intense mumu laughter> 

I couldn’t think of a better way to start this blogpost, I'm sorry, so yeahhh welcome to my YouTube channuuuurrrrllll—my blog really. 

If you have been reading my blogposts, you would remember that on the 6th of February to be exact, I wrote about wanting to submit a LOT more entries to lit mags and participating in writing competitions and so and so.

I am here to say that it has not been easy. It is April now and I have yet to get published or win anything, just L's here and there.<don't feel sorry for me, I will use the L's to compose my award winning speeches, J.K Rowling style, hehehe> 

There is this particular competition I lost out of that pained me sha. I am usually not a sore loser, but I thought my entry was fire and it had to be one of the best, but apparently, the judges of the competition did not think so lmao<laughs in pain>.

It was an essay competition and we had to write about what being a woman in Nigeria was like to commemorate the International women's day 2022.

Before I started writing, I had to do some research <is research the right word? It feels too serious hehe>. I did a Google search for "Women in Nigeria" and a few mostly irrelevant articles popped up. I found out though that there is a Wikipedia page for "Woman in Nigeria" and whoever wrote this article did a great job in describing our social issues, non-recognition in politics, child marriage, genital mutilation etc which are all things that happen to women in Nigeria, but are those really all the things women in Nigeria are about?

My fire essay lost, so I am turning it into a blogpost because my fire cannot waste, durhh.

This is a post about what being a woman in Nigeria is like, as you read, you may not be blessed but you would definitely see a few things that would interest you plus, maybe giggle a lirru here and there because I am a funny girl sometimes<inserts kpoetic wink>. 

I 

To summarise the experience of being a woman in Nigeria in just a single term or a few written lines would be to risk the danger of telling a single story.

It would be a sin as grave as the one committed by trying to describe an aeroplane in the sky from a point in the ground or asking a blind man that has only felt the trunk of an elephant to describe the giant animal, you get? 

The experience of being a Nigerian woman cannot be summarised or defined in a single term because it is multifaceted, transversing a wide spectrum across ages, tribe, culture and religion. 

II 

To start from the beginning, being a Nigerian woman is to count yourself lucky to be born into a family that was not hoping for a "male heir", because then, your birth would bring sadness rather than joy.

It is to be given "female" names, like Joy, Peace, Asake, Rose, Aishat, Nana or unisex names like Chisom, Victory, Damilola, and sometimes masculine names like Femi <and thereafter having to explain for the rest of your life the reason why you were not deemed worthy enough to be named after soft things like other women sha>. Whatever your name, you are expected to be soft.

IIIa. 

If you were born into a decent enough family, you would get a naming ceremony or dedication service or baptismal induction—an event to properly welcome you to the good old world sha<I need to stop using sha, but it just really fits here, ugh>. Your naming often comes with prayers from well meaning individuals. Prayers for long life and strong bones, for laziness not to make a home in your waist, for your hands to be good at cooking, for a good husband, for many children and easy birth, for you not to bring shame and most importantly, for you not to grow to become an "ashawo". 

IIIb.

If you were not born into a decent enough family, you might not get a formal welcoming event, so there wouldn't be as much prayers from well wishers. You just start your Nigerian woman journey like that. No, it's not a bad thing. 

IV 

To grow up as a typical Nigerian girl into a woman is to grow to be the answers to those prayers<whether they prayed for you or not>; to learn quickly your appropriate behaviour and what society expects from you, to not play too rough, to be respectful and decent because nobody wants an uncultured woman around.

For some women, it is to learn as much as they can about everything because education came to them as a duty, for some it is to struggle to learn as much as they can because education came to them as a luxury they have to struggle to get, while for the others, education, especially the formal kind is hardly an option for different reasons, leaving them no choice but to accept being among the non-learned ones of society, content to be low income earners, house wives and mothers from ages as young as 15.

Note: the keyword is "typical". 

V. 

From as far back as we know, being a typical Nigerian woman has been to work harder and think smarter to get to the top, but not too fast and not too smart, because who wants a woman that is too fast and too smart? It has been to have a high threshold for pain, to be resilient,  to multitask and to have your names forgotten to become Mrs xyz and consequently Mama xyz without complaining  —things our mothers learnt from their mothers that learnt from their mothers. 

Howwweverrrr how "typical" is "typical" these days? 

VI

These days, being a Nigerian woman has become breaking the rules that limit us to only being answered prayers and I think I know where you think I'm headed. You think I want to start going off about the famous "ceiling-breaking" women leading male dominated industries like Nkiru Olumide Ojo in Finance, Hon. Aishatu Jubril Dukku in Politics, Adora Nwodo in Software technology, Funke Opeke in Engineering and  Chinyere Kalu in piloting who are all mega women by the way, right? Wrong, hehehe. 

VII 

The woman that hasn't done any "ceiling breaking" and the woman without tragedies enough to be written about on Wikipedia are still Nigerian women aren't they?

VIII 

"The Nigerian woman" is one of the not-so-famous women that work hard to be providers in their families, the women that defy societal acceptance to find sexual liberation, the women that prefer to wear miniskirts and the ones that prefer modest clothing, the women that put themselves first and prefer to live in environments optimal to their well-being, married or unmarried, with children or child free and the women that would prioritise the people important to her and endure toxic environments if she has to.

She is the woman that outsources instead of struggling alone in fear of being called lazy and the one that doesn't because all her decisions are guided by the fear of what the neighbours and inlaws will say. She is the woman that finds a home in her body and  the woman that chooses to enhance some of her features. She is the woman that submits herself to the dictates of her chosen religion and the woman that is a god to herself and plays by her own rules. She is the woman that helps other women and the woman that only has strength to fight for herself.

 Being a woman in Nigeria is many things and on days like the International women's day, all of us with everything we are deserve recognition.

IX 

All the things it means to be a woman in Nigeria have been evolving over time. Our experiences today are a lot different from what they were in the late 1900s, I'm sure. More and more women are getting enlightened and empowered. I think that the Nigerian woman is evolving into many beautiful things, but I can only say this based on my observation of the women I know of. I wonder what the realities of the many others  I have yet to meet are, if they think there is an evolution of the things that define their existences, if life has gone from bad to worse for them, if their existence is being acknowledged at least.

Either way, I hope that soon, the societal problems that women in Nigeria face will not make up 85% of a Wikipedia article about them. 

X 

Now that I think about it, maybe my essay wasn't so bomb after all, maybe my writing is still mediocre, but will I stop writing stuff and submitting entries? NOoo! I will keep writing my stuff and chooking<Nigerian slang for "poking"> it inside everybody's eyezzzzzz. Support my ministry here loves: Blog Support