I LOVE YOU.

[06/02, 00:00] Excel: 

This is the 100th time I will tell you that I love you. The last 99 times, you scoffed and asked me to stop being silly, so I am saying it again, and I will continue to until you start to believe it—to believe me.

This is me saying that I love you again and that on most days you are my muse. On the days when I do not write about you, I write about how terrible it is to write about something else that is not you.

I love you. You do not believe me completely but you cannot deny that you do not oppose the idea of being loved as strongly as you did the first time I said it. These days, I see how you freeze and widen your eyes, entertaining the thought of being loved for a few seconds before dismissing the idea. Your lovers before me only took from you because you poured out oceans of yourself into them without demanding any sunshine in return.
It hurts to know that you think yourself empty now and unworthy of affection.

I want you to know that for every lover that fed you asphyxiating love, I will be twice a breath of fresh air.
You have wrapped yourself too tightly in between these thick sheaths of things I do not know the names of, won't you let me unravel you?
Can't you see this thing we have is nothing like what the others gave you? They saw you only as a body of water, but I see a whole universe inside of you, I want to explore it—I want to explore you. I want to melt into you, our souls should be touching.

It would be very typical of you to read this and scoff again, and reply with a funny sticker, and even if it will hurt, I will continue to translate the existence of our love into words again tomorrow and the day after and the day after the next, until it echoes within the walls of your subconscious and you start to perceive it as a tangible thing and you accept it and believe it and just maybe start to reciprocate.

I love you Excel, I love you very much.












Author's Note:
Depending on when you are seeing this, it is my birthday today! There is no birthday anxiety this year. I don't even have energy for that one.
My theme for last year was "shamelessness". This year, it is "audacity". I plan to submit a LOT of pieces to literary publications this year <I haven't done that before>, I also intend to receive all the rejection mails that might come with joy and compile them for my "...do you know how many times I was rejected before I got here?" speech, J.K Rowling style, hehehe.
Meanwhile, I've been really impressed with how much progress my writing has made lately!
Remember when I said my writing was mediocre?
Scrap thaaaaaatttttt, I'm above mediocre now—
by 7.5% at least <inserts extreme horse teeth grin>
<yes, I've been writing, just not making blogposts or any writ-ey posts at all. Yes, I'm sorry. >
When God said "Be anxious for nothing", it was a command, not an option. My thoughts don't control me, I put a rein on them. I'm choosing thoughts of joy and gratitude this year, over anxiety, over "what if's", and over self depreciation.
I am loving myself enough to be open to receive love from someone else in the most beautiful ways; soft love, the cotton candy and star lights love, "this is me bare" love, soulish orgasm love, mushy love, "let's make this work" love, etc etc.

<lmao, this last paragraph is a lie. I'm not open to anything. Team Indabosky! Might try next year sha>

P.S My friends are the absolute bestttt, I got amazing presents today, I even got cake. Become a friend and ally today by supporting my blog as a birthday present?
<inserts irresistible puppy dog eyes>
Click here: Blog support

Thank you for reading this, I love you wholesomely. Tell me in the comments, when is your birthday?