PICK ME, NOT HER.

 

12, mmiri Street,

Ire-okiri,

Osogbo,

Osun state.

09.12.1990

Dear Ola, 

Good moring or good aftunoon or good eveing Ola, pick any one, I don't know when you will be receive my letter.

Ola, I will not weste your time and I go sharp to the koko.

Ola, Ola, Ola. What is this I hear about you corting that yama-yama woman dem call Helen?

I hear that you even let her kiss you in the mouth in the lyt of the aftunoon like they do in oyinbo films.

Do you know what that mean? For sure she have use juju on you becos I know you to be decent man.

Fest of all Ola, din't you noticed how she ty her buba so that all her bombom shape will be showing everywhere??? That woman is big ashawo o.

A woman that live all alone by herself and drive car, drive car when our Baba Ijango never buy car. You seff you not buy car yet so how you want to marry a woman that drive car??? Since she come back from the city and that her univesiti she just start to act one kine, she don't know her level as woman again.

She don't even attend our market meetings. She say why she should attend when she no sell market. That the thing. All her cloth and bling bling and even that her car, where she get the morney to bot them from? I tell you that woman is big ashawo!!!

I even see her in front of lacasuma one day aguwing football with the men there! A woman that ague with man is ashawo! She ague bcos all of them have enta inside her.

Have you not hear how she even do usualy talk sometime? Like say sometin inside her throat. She talk like ashawo and walk kpekem kpekem with that her tall shoe like ashawo and she colour her leg and hand colour red always like ashawo! I hear she even go to Rakamussi club to drink kai kai and smoke ciga and she dance like snake always with that her lepa waist. Olorun maje! 

Ola. You know say I love you. Mo love e pa!

Am not ashawo o, like Helen. I go never ague with you or any of the men in the village. I always wear good cloth that cover my body good for you. I never drink or smoke and I can cooked very sweet eh, you will enta hevun if you eat my porage yam.

I not live alone like Helen too sef. I stay with Iya Iya mi and she wach me and make sure I dinnot spoil. You seff you can see, my waist is not lepa like her own bcos many man have not enta me. Her waist too small and she cannot born.

When I am go to market to help maami sell ekuru, I greet evry body I see on the road with respekt like gud girl. I know dat I no go to plenty school but atlist, I sabi small. See as I write you letter nau abi.

I just want safe you from that weecked woman Helen. Leeve her and come and marry me. She is ashawo. She not love you but I do. I love you so much, in my drim, I see your face evrytime.

Ola, you know me and you have know ourseff from praimary school and that time, they do usually call us husband and wife. I have love you till that time.

Pleez write me back and tell me what you reply.

I soon finish learning my tailoring here then I come back and we can marry. I love you olori aye mi. 

Your wife ni oruko Jesu.

Subomi.

Author's note.

The first time I got ashawo-shamed, I was barely 13 and it was in church.

 It is an event that stands out in my mind because the shaming came from a woman I respected a lot at the time.

It was for laughing. She said I was laughing "like ashawo". 

<it wasn't just me sha, some girls with me too. She said a lot of things, she was scolding us for making noise in the bus—we'd gone on a sort of field trip and she was one of the adults in charge—it's a long back story and I should shut up now>.

Ashawo is a Nigerian pidgin slang that means "prostitute".

In the 18th century, ashawo was the woman that allowed her bare shoulders to show.

In consequent years it became the woman that wore skirts above her knees and used relaxer on her hair and the woman that wore too much makeup and the woman that looked men in the eyes and the women that looked away, and the woman that always kept men as friends and the ones that never had men around<because it meant they were keeping their ashawo work a secret>, and the women that lived alone and rode in big cars and the ones that looked "too rich" and the ones that looked "too poor"<because the men she had been with had used her destiny for money rituals> and the too curvy woman and the too thin woman and the woman with fallen breasts and the woman with more than one piercing and the woman that wears an ankle chain and the woman with a tattoo and the woman that fixes long eyelashes and long nails and so and so<it's a long list, I'm sorry, I don tire, hehe>. 

Shame is a tool that has been used to lock women in many boxes in the name of decency and proper behaviour. Rubbish!

I hope that you choose shamelessness, that you don't make choices because of the names you are scared that they will call you. I send you all my love!

I hope you enjoyed reading this piece as well.

 If you did, let me know in the comments! 

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