NOT AFRICAN ENOUGH

Opening scene: A man and a woman walk out of a restaurant and into the parking lot. Unknown to them, a mischievous waiter named Excellina had slipped truth serums into their drinks while they were having dinner. As a result of the truth serum they ingested, they are now only able to say the truth. This was the conversation that followed.

Woman: This was very lovely. I had an amazing time.

Man: I did too.

Woman: Honestly I was a bit hesitant about going on a date with someone I'd only texted online, but I am glad that I took a chance.

Man: I'm glad you gave me a chance too.

Woman: We should do this again next time

Man: Err...I'm not too sure about that.

Woman: I don't understand. We had an amazing evening. Did I do something wrong?

Man: No you didn't do anything wrong. It's just that...how do I put this...

Woman: Please be honest with me, don't worry, I'll try my best not to break your head.

Man: You see, you look a lot different from what you looked like in pictures

Woman: I'm not as pretty?

Man: No, no you are a gorgeous woman. It's just that you don't look African enough.

Woman: I beg your pardon?

Man: You really want me to spell it out?

Woman: Yes please, spell it out.

Man: You are flat. Your body is curve-less. You don't look like a real African woman.

Woman: I see.

Man: I'm sorry I had to put it that way. I think we would make really good friends though. We connected really well mentally. I am just not physically attracted to you. I prefer my women thick and I do not want to waste your time.

Woman: Thank you for letting me know. I am going home to stare at my naked body and cry and then, I'll block you.

Man: Better for both of us. I'm sorry once again. Goodnight.

Woman: I hope you die, Idiot.








Author's note.

I am not very confident about calling myself a writer, however, I can say with a lot of confidence that I am an avid reader.
It was in my quest for knowledge from the pages of very many books that I observed something.
While I appreciate the increased number of debut novels from young indigenous writers, and I appreciate their efforts in ensuring that we <black girls, women> are given a representation more appropriate than the loud, lousy, able to endure suffering species we have been labelled as, I cannot pretend not to notice this new trend of describing African female characters as curvy, with large bosoms and ultrasized buttocks with hips without dips.
<slight exaggeration. I haven't seen it times enough for it to be called a trend, and the descriptions aren't exactly this distinct, but there is usually a lot said about curveees>
Now look at the description of a perceived antagonist in Peace Adzo Medie's "His only wife":

"There was a gulf between her compact, lemon-sized breasts, and her buttocks was as flat as a sheet of plywood. Plus she had no hips to speak of. Her skin was as dark as roasted coffee beans, and her face, the only soft part of her, was plain. She kept her hair in long braids and liked wearing skirts and dresses that showed off her manly features."
I look exactly like the confused pawpaw meme while I'm reading about how African women are curvaceous< most are to be fair> and their unworthy competitions, no matter how dark their skins are, are the slender flat buttocked women.
Let's even leave writers seff, it's like everybody is making songs for thick women.
"She carry front, she carry back...",  "when I look into your eyes, all I see is your waist"..."African bad gyal"...<stops listing examples because of profane language that will bar me from passing through the gates of heaven>
In a way, I don't blame them. What do they want to sing about the other women?
"Baby girl you fine but your chest be like plank, when I first see you, I think say you be man...", "I would compare you to the Earth, but you are not round on both sideeees"...?
<don't worry, I don't intend to try songwriting. At least, not yet. Hehehe. A better option would be to have songs that aren't about women's bodies, don't you think?>

Thickness is apparently the new yardstick for measuring desirability and sex appeal...and of  course Africaness.
<at this point, I am just salty, lmao>
For every non-curvy African woman reading this, I am writing to let you know that you are not alone, we are many in this other corner and it doesn't make you less woman or less African <if you are black ofc>.
Beauty standards come and phase out, bodies change too, so societal acceptance of a particular body type should not be a gauge for your self love and body acceptance.
What if you love your body so much because it is what everybody wants today and tomorrow the world chooses something else? Would you hate your body then?
<yes, this is another "love yourself...yada yada yen yen" speech, I'm sorry, hehe>

Don't fall for the trap. The media is making body image a bigger deal than it really is so that you will go and spend all your money on weight gain pills and weight loss pills and waist trainers and breast implants and liposuction and butt lifts and lip fillers and so and so.
<I am not in any position to tell you what to do with your money sha, but if you have that lot to spare, support my blog with a few naira too?  Blog support >
...oh and anybody that does not make you and your body feel deserving of respect and love should be thrown to the trenches. If it is any comfort, the women that made history for their sex appeal achieved their feats, not because of what they looked like, but because of how they believed they were the most desirable creatures alive and convinced others to follow suit.
<Trust me, I know because I read about them in Robert Greene's "art of seduction"—a book I read for purely educational purposes by the way, not that I plan to use the information for any unchristian...err activities>.
I hope you do not place your self worth on whether people like what you look like or not, because your value is intrinsic, sewn into the very fibres of the body that houses your soul, validated by the first breath you took when you came alive in this world.
While this is a topic I can easily make fun about because my "non-thickness" is the least of my worries and I have a truckload of school work to catch up on and major future determining projects to work on, I understand that it is a struggle for many other people.
If you are one of those, I am sending you virtual hugs and cotton candy and I hope that somehow you find a home in the body you were born into.xx