A 20-part father's day special

 

I was at the burial ceremony of a much loved and respected relative late last year and a funeral memorial book was handed to everyone that attended. The book was filled with tributes from friends and family. Everyone had something beautiful to say and perhaps that is what death does; it forces us to be a lot more vocal about our appreciation for people, only, those people cannot hear or read any of those good things we have to say.

I think about it a lot, that one day, my daddy will be gone too like everything else that goes away.
One day I'll call his number and it would ring and ring and I wouldn't hear his "hello daughter".
The thought makes me cry (My eyes are getting waterworks done already, hehe). Nobody sticks around forever, not me, not you(except you are not human) and not even my parents and that is why today that is Father's day, I'm writing an open Father's day letter to my father.

i)

My mother knows how much I practically adore her but I am not so sure about my father. Him and I don't get along all the time because we are too alike. We like the same type of music, we both get teary when we see sad movies and we both laugh a lot.  He likes being in charge, I like being in charge. He is strong-willed and I am strong-willed. He hates hesitancy to obeying his instructions and I hate feeling like I am being pushed around.
Even still, I think that my father is one of the best in the world and I don't want to wait until he is laying in a coffin to talk about (or write about) how much of an amazing father I think he is and how much I love and appreciate him.
I know it is a normal human condition for anybody to think that the people they love are "the best" in the world, as if just by belonging to them those people have fulfilled a rite of passage into the order of all things good.
However, I don't think my father is one of the best fathers in the world because he participated in bringing me to life. I think he is one of the best because he always makes efforts and it's clear to see.

ii.)

I have watched my father love my mother wholly, as though she were his source of oxygen and without her, his life would cease to be. I have watched him defy every African gender role stereotype; cook, clean, wash clothes and dishes, bathe and feed us(the kids) etc whenever he could for my mother to find extra time to rest and even when he had to live away from us because of work, he'd call at least twice everyday and send my mother the sweetest texts. I have watched him break into tears to apologise to her when he raised his voice at her. I have watched and listened to my father define what the love a man has for a woman should look like and I am eternally grateful for him.

iii.)
My father would often say I have a poor taste in men everytime I showed him a picture of a man that I fancied. He'd say it in Igbo, "may God deliver you. Don't you have eyes?"(...and somehow, all the men I like, or have liked, look alike, my father thinks my spec is trash*inserts crying emoji*) and I would laugh and he would laugh and then I'll go on to tell him that he should better take any man I bring home like that because I'm the one marrying and he'll make jokes about chasing me and the man out of his house.
That's the kind of person my father is. Someone you could talk to on any subject really; men, women, love, barbie, football, kissing e.t.c
(We only have problems when there is an opinion clash and nobody wants to concede, hehehee)
My father created a welcoming environment for all his kids, where nobody is scared to say anything, one that he did not get to have growing up(I heard my grandfather was a no-nonsense dictator and an expert in flogging).
I watched my father groom himself into the type of father that he did not get to have and for that, I am beyond proud of him everyday.

iv.)

My father is one of those people that the pentecost wave in Nigeria hit hard. When I had to go to Uni, the first advice my father's sisters gave was for me not to go to school and do like my daddy. "Don't go to school and leave your books and be doing pastor like your daddy o", that was how they said it. I have never met a person as devoted to God as my father.
It annoys me sometimes(God forgive me, but abeg), how all his dreams and major goals are centered around "church", how every time he makes earnings, his first inclination is to "send tithe to the church", how even before he thought of building anything for himself, he had already done a lot of building projects for churches we did not even attend or know of.
"Giving to God is the greatest investment you can make", is what he always says when we complain. His love for God shows in everything he does and even though it can be super annoying (because he forces us to attend midweek programs and we have to wait long hours for him after church because of the meetings he has to attend and because he randomly declares family fasting and because morning devotions are looong), it is beautiful to see.

v.)

My father is one of the reasons why I love stories so much. When my sister and I were in nursery school, he did the morning school run and my mother did the afternoon one. We didn't own a car so he'd walk us to school everyday before going to work(our school a walking distance away). While he walked us to school, he'd tell us stories of different kinds of people and things. Stories where good people won in the end. People on our street knew us; the story man and his daughters. My father gave us reasons to look forward to walking to school.

vi.)

I have watched my dad refuse to engage in a lot of dishonest deals (that would have actually gotten us a lot of money) because of his love for God and his integrity. Money is something he teaches us to always be wary of. He would say it in Igbo, "any money you take and eat that is not for you will run your belly, whether it is now, you will not know, whether it is later, you will not know, but when it happens, you will purge in public and everybody will see your disgrace".
"Uwa na'eme ntughuari" is my father's favourite quote. It means the world rotates. In interpretation: You could be down today and up tomorrow and vice versa so your money or lack thereof should not be a big defining factor in your day to day decision-making because the world rotates as it pleases and you could find yourself at either side at whim. To him, peace and contentment are the real "wealth" and being able to have them in spite of all the shaking up is the real show of strength.
I learned contentment and a right attitude towards money from my father.

vii)

I have seen my father go out of his way to appreciate my mother for simply existing with the cutest gifts, and in the cutest ways(I'm usually his accomplice in this one). 90% of the jewelry I own are gifts from him(same for my sister). He gives even when he doesn't have to.
Not just to us, I have watched him give his time and resources selflessly to become a father and mentor to many other young people. My father is a giver.

viii)

I have seen my father throw away his ego to ensure that his family is provided for in the best ways that he can.

ix)

Every year, my father makes us write down our yearly goals. I hate this excercise because it gives me pressure and anxiety throughout the year and so, I am usually nonchalant about it. It annoys him when I am like that but I hope he understands.

x)

I have woken up many times to the voices of both my parents, praying for us, the kids. My father doesn't think that prayer is just a woman's thing.

xi)

I have seen my father be loyal to people that don't care about him.

xii)

I have seen my father get betrayed by people he loved and even yet, his faith in humanity is strong.

xiii)

"Once in a while, give yourself a treat", my father is a big fan of enjoyment. I can't wait to have enough money to spoil the man with the good things in life that he deserves.

xiv)

My father hates when I wear make-up. It is the one thing I doubt we will ever see eye to eye on.

xv)

I have seen my father become a brother to a person that is from a tribe different from our own and practices a religion different from our own. I have listened to him teach us about genuinely loving people that are different from us. "You are privileged to be a part of God's family. Don't go about acting as if you saved yourself or you are better than other people that don't know better, pray for them instead"
(I hope he still keeps up this Jesus-loving energy if/when/after I propose to my non-igbo manzz and he says yes—or vice versa of course)

xvi)
My father is not perfect and he does/says things that really hurt me sometimes, but each time, he apologises. He apologises to me and my siblings and asks for our forgiveness. I didn't think it was anything special until I grew up and heard other people tell stories of their "never apologising" Nigerian parents.
My daddy always says "I am sorry", he makes it a public apology when he can too. My father is a real man.

xvii)
My father is an open man; open and honest to all of us. He always asks for our opinions, ideas, suggestions etc(except on churchy affairs, sigh) and makes us feel like important parts of his life.

xviii)

I have watched my father play wrestle with my brother to teach him strength. It is the way they bond. When it comes to physical strength and every form of manliness, my father teaches my brother softly with jokes and laughter, until it comes to teaching him about respecting women. He always uses a stern voice.
"Your strength is to protect, not to destroy", "have you ever seen me hit my wife in your life?", "don't mind your sisters. Their power is in their mouth that is why they are saying things to annoy you, just leave them. That's is how women are, but you must not hit your sisters, you must not hit any woman at all. Only cowardly men do that"(then he'd call my sister and I to warn us to stop being annoying—and no, we never listen, that's what sibling-ship is about isn't it?)

xix)

The early memories of my life are a blur but in all the highlights that I remember; Saturday mornings when my parents would make all of us dance with them in the parlour before doing chores('excuse me dance' is what they'd say before dragging you and your sleepy eyes to the dance floor with loud music from the DVD playing in the background), horseback racing (before we became three kids) where each parent will have one child on the back and race on all fours, the storytelling, weekend trips to D'simeons etc, my father was a part of them.

xx)

My father will not be alive forever. One day all the "is" in this will turn to "was", but before he goes and I'll have to write a tribute for his funeral memorial book, I want him to know that I think he is one of the bestesest fathers in the world and he is a part of all my favourite memories and I love him so much (even though I can be errr, untoward).

Happy father's day to the first man I fell in love with❤

P.S No offence mummy, but I love it when my father is doing the cooking. My father is such an amaaaaaaazing cook and lucky us, he likes cooking.

P.S.S My father is an amazing singer. When he was around my age he and his friends had a singing group. He did the opening of this song



AUTHOR'S NOTE 

Okay, thank you for reading this. I hope you let your father<-any one that has been a father figure to you really> know how much you love him today and if there isn't such person in your life, I can't imagine all the emotions that have been triggered today with everybody, including me shouting up and down about their fathers. I'm sending you all the love in the world that my tiny heart can conjure and I hope that you find comfort in the thought that there is an ultimate father loving you from heaven.

It is sad that our society today is in a state where proper "fathering" has become a thing to give special applause for, but it is what it is and the fathers that get it deserve their flowers for not bowing to pressure to become terrible or absent fathers like the others.


P.S.S.S This is the longest post I have ever made. I should shut up and go now, byeeee.