No time for preamble, straight to business, no this is not a story luvz😅
1. You, I mean, we live in Nigeria.
Have you seen the state of your country?(yes! Been wanting to use this Ardee phrase since forever lol).
But really? Have you? In a normal regular cliché romcom, you'd be running to class and manz will hit you and your say—books will fall down and then, you and manz will pick stuff up slowly and your eyes will meet and you'll fall in love, but alas, you...(I mean, me, really) are a student of a federal university and you are running late to prof. Lagbaja's class(the professor that swears that he'll make sure 95% of the class fails) so your head is too hot. If person bump into you, make your books touch ground like this, wasting more of your time, you fit deck am. No chemistry for bumpers, na so so cussing and cursing and swearing go follow.
2. Have you met the characters in romcoms?????!? They are literally perfect. Look at how Bolu Babalola describes Osun in love in colour:
"....However, when Ọṣun’s gaze met the waves, she really saw herself. Her hair was soft, dark and roiling, with thick coils swelling around her face like a towering tide. Her face held deep, striking eyes that tilted inwards slightly, as if too heavy to stay steady. They carried too much, they carried the whole universe, and were fathomless like the ocean. Her skin was as deep and smooth as a vast lake, its sparkling surface harbouring an unfathomable depth beneath, a whole world, beneath. The water beckoned her in as kin. She was a high-born; unknowable, untouchable and unable to be contained. One could enjoy but never possess."
Ughhhh. Characters in these things are perfect, too perfect. They all usually have something strikingly extraordinary about them. Meanwhile, you..erm I mean me, I, no us... we are no such extraordinary creatures. Just boring people that read novels all day and cry and sleep and wake up to cry and sleep some more. Tueh, disgusting behaviour.
3. Your soulmate is probably on Mars, or hasn't been born yet, hardluck sis.
4. You are too fearful. There are many things to be scared of. There is the heartbreak and burnout that comes with genuine loving so you don't want to be a part of it. Your heart is very fragile so you wrap it with many layers of foil paper and throw it into the stinkiest and darkest corners of your soulAndPutOnDarkEyelinerAndDarkShadesOfLipstickEverydayToScarePeopleAwayAndYouNicknamedYourself "snake lizard"—<okay, I need to take a breather and calm down, but you get the point, right?>
My point is, your life can never be a rom-com because you are too afraid to let it become a rom-com, yes I'm calling out your(—my) fake indabosky bull crap, come and beat me!
5. You don't have a sense of humour, a good enough one sha.
I don't know how this fits in but it just does. I mean rom-com = romantic comedy. How can your life be a romantic COMEDY if your humour level is in negative?(does this even make sense?)
6. You are friend-zoning the people that you are totally comfortable with, that make you happy and are totally in love with you and instead, you are pining for people that make you feel like bull crap(I'm trying hard not to cuss in this so I'm using bull crap instead of the S-word but omooo, it feels as though bull crap is a lot stronger offensive word than the S-word, or idk, maybe it's just me. Do you feel the same way too? Does replacing cuss words with other words cancel out the cussy effect?—I need to stop babbling and get back to the list, sorry)
7. You don't believe that you deserve anything beautiful and sweet and toe-curling because again(back to number 1), you are Nigerian and you have been conditioned to associate pain and suffering with progress. You have yet to heal from a lot of trauma so when you...err me, I, we¿ meet anyone new that makes you/us happy even the tiniest bit, you/we sabotage it and mess it up and slice the throat clean off its head and smear the blood on the walls and ughhhhh. God help you(...me really.)
Author's note: I have been thinking a lot about writing nonfiction on here, like, just spewing my mind on subjects I think about? (Why does "spewing my mind" look so off?*inserts nervous laughing emoji*) What do you think? Did you enjoy reading this?
Oh and have you read Bolu Babalola's "Love in colour"? Or Jane Igharo's "Ties that tether"? OR Joya Goffney's "Excuse me while I cry ugly"?
They are romcom-ish books that I have just recently read and I think you'd enjoy them.
Cheers!
 . (mostly mine ackchully)){kind=link}
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