Last Sunday

 

Last Sunday she had come in with a stomach as big as five footballs blended together somehow.

I usually have a problem recognizing people and remembering things about them especially after meeting them just once but I am certain of this person because I had sat beside her last week Sunday and I noticed how she stayed in her seat throughout, not standing to sing the hymn or even walk to the offering basket. I remember because I had to gingerly walk through her swollen feet to move in and out of our row when I had to leave or come back to my seat, it is hard to forget people that cause you undue stress—or maybe I remember her because she offered me gum and gave me the warmest smile while apologising for the inconvenience.

Our church is a big church but I am sure that I am not mistaken, she is the one sitting beside me today again.
Her big stomach is no longer big. It is just the usual stomach now; normal and flattened apart from the bump that most women have at the bottom of their abdomen.
Today, she is joining us to stand during praise and worship, she even stands to sing the hymn as well and walks to the offering basket but when it's time to pray I see her sitting again with her head bowed and I hear muffled sobs.
I want to ask her about what happened, if her baby got to see the world at all, but I remember the time when I lost my her—or him. I remember how irritating questions were to me, how I wanted the whole world to stand still and force everyone to mourn my baby with me. I remember the women that visited the morning after and told me not to cry and be grateful the child had not lived at all to die later when I had already fallen in love with her—or him. I remember how it hurt because it was too late, I had fallen in love with my baby from the day I saw two red lines on the stick.
I choose not to ask any questions and instead, I sit too.
I sit and sob into the sleeve of my buba.

Author's note: I remember listening to Janette...icks give her famous spoken word rendition "red" a long time ago. I barely remember most of the verses but I cannot forget the part where she talked about the "askers". Askers are people that remind people of things they are getting through with meaningless questions like: you aren't married yet? (You already know she isn't), why don't you guys have kids?(something that is clearly not your business), why is your stomach this big?(again, not your business).

After listening to her, I realized that I must have been an asker too and I decided to make a conscious decision to stop. I still slip and ask sometimes but don't we all? Anyway, the main point of this long talk is that Janet...ick's "Red" inspired this!